Dehydration can make you crazy. I was so dizzy and nauseous, I literally thought I was going to die. Funny thing about being on your death bed is that it gives you clarity.
I instantly saw myself as chasing a million different things, getting absolutely nowhere, and feeling lots of shame about it. I saw, in my delusion what is ACTUALLY important in life... And not what I think *should* be important. I saw what is important to me.
And it is.... (drum roll please)
.
.
.
ACCEPTANCE!!!
When I was lying there, seeing myself going in a million directions, I didn't feel bad about my lack of focus. I only felt bad ABOUT feeling bad...
Turns out, accepting myself and my current reality is actually the MOST important thing. More important than "focusing on a goal" (I have way too many), "becoming financially independent" (my financial situation is sub par), "being a good mom"(I would love to stop yelling at my kids), "being liked"... or rather "caring about being liked" (I spend so much energy caring about what people think)
In my clarity, I saw that actually none of this stuff matters as much as accepting myself. If I die, having reached zero of my current goals, with debt, fussing at my kids more than I would like, and unpopular - it would not be a tragic as my resisting it all (and myself in the process).
Sooooo.... This month, I am going to be SHAMELESS. I am going to do everything I want, not holding back and sharing it all.
And also, I am going to drink water. Lots and lots of water.
